Maybe younger Pam is 16 and hates when the cheer coach asks the squad to run the track, maybe she's 20 and a friend in college suggests going for a run, perhaps she's 28 and her husband announces he's going for a run. It doesn't matter the age in that span of her life ... the idea of a run is met with a scowl, contempt, laughter, confusion (why would anyone willingly choose to run?) or just a flat out, "No thank you!" I was not a runner. That's not to say I wasn't active or declined exercise in general. I did the dance required for cheer, I enjoyed a good workout DVD ... err ... VHS tape. Yes, I'm that old. I walked a lot. I even worked at a health club in High School and would use the facility. I wasn't anti-fitness, just anti-running.
So how did I go from being a non-runner to the girl I am today, the crazy runner who has run lots of marathons and even done ultras? I had kids! Truth!
I had my daughter when I was 27. I gained 40lbs and within the first 2 weeks had lost all but 10 of it. Easy peasy, right? And then came my pregnancy with my son. As with my daughter, I gained 40 lbs. People had warned me it might not be as easy to lose the weight now that I was 30. I didn't believe them. I should have listened because maybe I would have eaten better and started exercising more while I was pregnant but I figured I'd drop it all like before. How much different could it be this time? Oh you silly, silly young thing, you! So naive! So unaware of how a woman's body and metabolism can change on a dime! (That's older me talking to younger me again). He was a late July baby and we were experiencing a heat wave. It was hot. Not only did I not lose a lot of weight after I had him but I experienced horrible water retention. I lost 10lbs in the first 2 weeks and then nothing. He was 7lbs 10oz. You do the math and don't forget all the other stuff you lose along with baby that adds weight. So, yeah. Everything else I gained was mine to keep! Our pediatrician tried to offer me some consolation by telling me I was not the only new mother this summer who hadn't been able to shed weight in this heat. She told me to hang in there and see if I had an easier time in the fall when cooler weather moved in. I held on to the hope of fall like a leaf hangs onto a branch! Tight, tight, tight and then "Ahhh...I'm falling!" Yep, when September and October and November and December rolled around and the weight had only dropped maybe another 8 lbs, my hope fell. Just like those fall leaves.
I had experienced weight gain in my past but we're talking 10 lbs when I was in college and another 5lbs after marriage. Quite frankly, it was probably healthy weight gain and I was still a S/M in clothes. This new body was unrecognizable to me. Who was this woman who had to wear her maternity clothes long after her baby was here. I still recall the devastation I felt at having to wear my husband's jeans because mine were no where near fitting. I knew I had to figure something out.
I was sitting in our family room with my wide awake baby. It was the wee hours of the morning and I had finally given up the hope that he would go back to sleep. I signaled my surrender by turning on the television and was met with an ever present infomercial (this was pre-streaming endless programs at my fingertips). Seeing as there wasn't much else on and I was too sleepy to expend the energy pushing the channel button on my remote control, I watched. It was full of a lot of happy people talking about the benefits of Pilate's. I heard my pre-baby self-image tell me to listen up. At first my sleep deprived body resisted. "I'm too tired for any workout," it protested.
"Nonsense!" was the response. "Look at what they are doing". So I looked. And lo and behold what I saw was every tired new mother's dream.
They were lying down.
Now this was a workout I could get into. The sleepy fog lifted as excitement began to pulse through my veins. "I can get skinny lying down in my pajamas!" I picked up the phone, dialed the number, spoke to the representative, and ordered my miracle weight loss workout.
It was a couple weeks later when my DVD's arrived in the mail. The next day I excitedly put one in the player, sat my son on the floor in his bouncy seat, and laid down beside him (yes, I was in my Jammie's). I was ready! It's a sad moment when giddy optimism and self-delusion are crushed. Okay, I wasn't crushed but I did have a rude awakening. The first rude truth was that this wasn't an easy workout. The second rude truth was that pregnancy had taken my ab muscles and demolished them. They appeared to have been squished, stretched and pulled like play-dough in the hands of a two year old. I had a long way to go. Still, I reasoned, I was lying down ... in my pajamas. If I made excuses not to do this exercise then how did I ever expect to do a workout that actually required putting on shoes? I stuck with it. And you know what? It got easier. I lost weight. I lost inches. I was making progress, I gave my husband his jeans back and purchased new ones for me in a size 10. Oh, happy day! I was content for the time being.
Eventually, I began walking. The kids loved getting outside and so did I as long as the weather was nice but what to do in the rain and cold? I convinced my husband a treadmill would be a great investment. I had every intention of using it simply for walking but at some point there was a switch in my brain that got flipped. I can't recall exactly when it happened or even why but one day I upped the speed and found myself running.
That day a runner was born.
That day, that runner was me.
Eventually, I found myself with this strange sensation, a longing to run when I had my son in his stroller at the trail. Walking wasn't cutting it. I wanted to RUN. But it was one of those big and bulky strollers and not conducive to running. Once more, I approached my husband about another investment in my health - a jogging stroller. I do believe at this point he was checking under our bed for the pod the body snatcher left behind when it took over his wife's body. How many times had he heard me utter, "Running is stupid. Why would anyone want to run?" My husband enjoyed running and this change in his wife was interesting if not even a little inspiring so he gave me the go ahead. My son was now 2 years old and my daughter was in kindergarten. While she was at school my son and I would happily fly down the trail together. He screaming, "Faster, mommy, faster!" and me huffing and puffing, "This is as fast as I go!" back at him. My son is now a 14 year old and starting high school next year. I remember those shared runs fondly as I pass other mommy's and strollers. Some of them look as frazzled as I remember feeling at times, with the endless stops to pick up dropped sippy cups and slows to "see the horsie's, mommy". I want to yell at them, "Enjoy it while you can! In a heartbeat you'll be running by yourself, wondering what happened to your tiny running partner". But I don't because that would make me sound like every other mom whose kids are growing up too fast. We all intrinsically recognize our time is limited with our kids in each stage of their lives. So I just smile and run past them, sometimes offering a wave at a kiddo.
As my confidence grew in my running ability I let a friend at church, Nelson, talk me into my first 5K. It was February, 2007 and we registered for the Smelt 5K in LaConner, WA. Nelson talked a few of us into running the race with him. I am so grateful for Nelson. He truly became my running mentor, encouraging me to step out of my comfort zone. He was talking about a half marathon before I'd even run the 5K. And I was listening to him. Ha ha. Yep, he had me signing up for my first half marathon not long after that 5K, September of 2008, in fact. But I digress...
I was super nervous in the days prior to the 5K all the way up to the start line but once the gun went off ... I knew I'd found a happy place in my life. I cannot express the pure joy, elation, and sense of pride I felt as I crossed that finish line! I had run in a real race! Me! Non-runner girl! I did it!
 |
| Nervously awaiting the start. Notice, no Skirt Sports! This was before I knew about real running attire. Check the bottom of this post for a link to their website along with a code for a discount! |
 |
| Here we come! My husband and I ran it together. Until the very last 50 yards or so when he surged ahead and dropped me. Yea, he didn't hear the end of that one! Husband fail! |
 |
| Our group minus the famous Nelson who enlisted us all! |
 |
| There's Nelson! Cancer took him from us a few years ago but I'm sure he's running the streets of heaven and happy! I am grateful to him for the gift he left me ... the faith he had in my abilities. |
 |
| Happy finishers! |
"Why would anyone want to run?"
Anyone, or in this case me, had discovered the joy that comes from shedding my pajamas, putting on my running gear, lacing up my shoes and pushing my legs and lungs beyond what I had ever thought possible. I could go beyond my self-inflicted boundaries. It didn't matter if I was running on the roads or running through life I could do whatever I put my mind to. Road blocks and life blocks can be moved, run around, jumped over or avoided all together by taking a new path.
I read a devotion that made the point, “If you try to pull back each time you reach what seems like your limit, you’ll never know how much you can trust God – or how much He can trust you.” In the beginning of my running life, it hurt to run longer than just a minute or two. I had to push beyond what was comfortable, what I thought was my limit. Eventually, I got to five minutes, 10 minutes, 2 miles, 4 miles, 5 miles and so on and so forth. Eventually, the progressions got easier simply because I was becoming more confident in my ability to push forward. Because of that confidence I found myself able to entertain the idea of the marathon and eventually ultra's and even triathlons, feats and accomplishments I never would have imagined doing pre-Pilate's, pre-baby, pre-marriage or even post first half marathon, for that matter. The same thing goes for trusting God. The more I allow Him to push me beyond my comfort zone, past my self-inflicted boundaries and all the road blocks I myself put in my path, the easier it will be to go the distance with Him and reach heights I now can’t even begin to fathom. It’s an exciting thought!
When I see photos of my pre-Pilate's self I realize I found my new path. I am no longer that woman who wishes she was in shape. I am in shape. I am that mom who runs. My kids don't know me as anything else. Mom is a runner. My son told me just the other day, "It's kind of cool to say to friends, "My mom ran 50 miles". Of course, he said that on the heels of saying, "It's embarrassing that you are leading dance fitness classes". Win some, lose some, I guess! Ha ha!
I'd like to make note that this post went from "I started running to lose weight" to simply, "I am a runner". While running had that fortunate benefit it became about so much more than a way to tackle weight loss. It became part of my identity. I define myself as a runner. It's where I meet new people. Oh, the friends I have made on this running journey. It is my social time! It's also my quiet time. It's a way to workout stress and keeps me sane in an insane world. It offers bonding moments for my husband and me as we enjoy miles, races, and experiences together. It gives me opportunity to encourage and inspire others while simultaneously being encouraged and inspired by those same people. It lets me set a good example to my kids about not only healthy living but hard work, effort, taking chances, facing fears, and also recognizing when to back off.
So younger, Pam, yes, this future Pam is a little crazy. But she's crazy about life, about her body, about her husband, her kids, her faith, her friends, and this little thing called running which helps her navigate it all. One day you'll understand. One day you'll say, "Ah ha. That's what future Pam was talking about".
*As a Skirt Sports Ambassador I get to share a discount code with all of my followers. Use 754Rens at Skirt Sports on all full priced items to receive 15% off.
