I Wanna Go Home, Not Run Another Mile!

I had my last long run of this training cycle yesterday.  It was 22 miles.  That's the first time I've gone beyond 20 miles in a training run.  The day was beautiful for it.  The sun was shining and the temperature was cold.  I parked my car at the trail head on Centennial Trail figuring I'd run into and through town for a few miles before heading back to my car where I could refill my hydration belt bottle with some electrolytes.  The miles through town felt awesome.  I felt strong on the uphills and effortless on the downhills.  Eventually I headed back to the trail and reached my car having finished 12 miles.  I was happy to refill my electrolyte bottle as I have found I need that extra bit of "oomph" despite taking gu's.  Still, I discovered it was hard to stop at my car and gear up to go back out again.  I somewhat regretfully locked it back up and headed out for the final 10 miles of my run.  I made it two more miles before things began to unravel.  It wasn't that I was exhausted and in fact, I felt like I had extra energy left even at the end of the run.  No, physical energy wasn't the issue.  Nor was it that I was dealing with a nagging injury or sore fatigued muscles.  Yes, I was feeling some discomfort but it wasn't anything I haven't experienced before.  I had enough energy in the tank to push through this particular level of discomfort.  The issue was with my mind and the thoughts twisting and turning inside of it.  It told me, "I am done with this!  Get me home and to the couch where I can put my feet up.  I want to watch tv, I want to check Facebook, I want to eat (okay, maybe that part was my tummy chiming in), I want to do anything other than run for another hour and a half.  I'm bored."  Yeah, my mind was behaving like my 9 and 12 year old kids when I've told them they have to help with chores.  The next few miles felt like a slug fest as I continued to run AWAY from my car.  Would the point of turning around never come?  Finally, I reached 17 miles and found a boost of renewed mental energy as I began the run toward my car and home.  Yes, home was within reach!  It still wasn't easy despite the renewed mental boost. I had to tell myself, out loud, "only 3 more miles, 2 more miles"  or "you can do this, keep moving".  Finally!  "Last mile, me, you got this".  Hearing my garmin beep at mile 22 was heavenly.  Tearing off the irritating hydration pack was even better.  Walking to my car and stretching my tired muscles was sweet.  Sitting in my car and driving home was pure blissfulness.

Have you ever been told by God to do something hard?  Has he ever asked you to walk away from your car and the promise of comfort?  One minute you're running along in life, feeling good and feeling strong.  You even stop and spend some quality time with God, getting refueled and re-energized for the rest of your journey and then "WHAM!", life gets hard.  Sometimes difficulties are subtle in their arrival.  We simply find ourselves slowing down as we run along because things pile on us one by one and eventually we find our feet are dragging and our mind is overwhelmed.  Sometimes difficulties are sudden in their arrival.  One minute we're healthy and the next a doctor is saying scary words to us.  Perhaps a child is filling our hearts with despair or desperation in the blink of an eye and one breath.  Sometimes one word or declaration is all it takes to send our world crashing around us.  It doesn't matter the process of  how life difficulties arrive, of this we can be sure, they will arrive.  So what are we to do?

Remember that refueling?  Have you ever resisted the urge or need to stop for refueling because you're feeling good? I have a simple suggestion for you, don't.  God knows our future.  He knows what is waiting for us on the path ahead and He knows what we need and when we need it.  Take what He offers, fill up, and take some extra along with you for the journey because you'll probably need it.  Recall Psalm 23:5, "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows."  That's the New King James version.  I like The Message version.  "You serve me a six course dinner right in front of my enemies.  You revive my drooping head; my cup brims with blessing".  Regardless of the version we use, this is saying God will fill us with more than we can hold so go ahead and fill up!  We never know when we'll have to call on our reserves but God does so take what He offers.  It's easy to think, "Hey, I'm at my car, home and comfort are near, I don't need this right now" but there may be a few hard miles that you're going to have to traverse in the very near future, miles that will not be comfortable.  You don't want to come to them lacking the energy to push through.

Even with proper fueling we can find ourselves fatigued as we run this life.  Maybe that's where you are now.    Maybe you are looking ahead and the path seems long, exhausting, never-ending and perhaps even scary.  You're not sure if you can make it.  Your mind is taking over and it's filling your heart with fear and lies.  Or maybe your journey isn't scary right now but rather, well, boring.  You're in an apathetic state, unsure of what to do or where to go and you may not really care.  Either way, all you know is you want off this road.  First off, it's okay to say, "I'm tired, God" and take a sip of His life-sustaining power.  You are packing it along with you, right?  Trust him to rejuvenate you in the hard times.  He will give you what you need to make it through the next mile.  Sometimes life is a mile by mile journey.  Keep moving, keep seeking, one step at a time.  Those last 3 miles of my run I found myself envisioning my car waiting for me at the end.  I knew it was there and it would take me home eventually.  I knew it held the hope and promise of comfort, I just had to reach it. Though difficulties here on earth can sometimes seem never-ending we can rest assured there is an end.  We have a Savior who holds the promise of home and comfort. Remember, earth is not our home, it is the journey.  But you know what's great?  Unlike my car, that simply waited for me at the end of my run, Jesus runs alongside of us.  He's there the entire time!  He's our coach, our mentor, our pacer, our friend, our running buddy.  He gets us to the end and then he drives us home.

Snohomish River Run Half Marathon Oct. 27, 2012

I admit it.  My focus has been on the Seattle Marathon in November.  I've known I had this little half marathon scheduled for October but the knowledge in my brain hadn't really caught up with my heart ...err...nerves.  What that really means is I wasn't experiencing a lot of taper madness.  In case you've never tapered for a race before and haven't experienced the joy of impending taper madness, I once described it as being stuck in a suspenseful movie that never seems to end.  You are aware a race is hiding just around the corner but have no idea what is going to happen when you boldly leap around that corner to face it.  I say boldly leap because it is a race and that's no time to be tentative.  You question all your training, the weather, little aches that appear out of nowhere, the clothes you'll wear, the weather, your diet habits, the weather, the clothes you'll wear, the weather.  Did I mention a few of those items more than once?  Yes, I tend to obsess about what to wear as the weather predictions change.  Or don't change.  Anyway, as the Snohomish River Run approached I wasn't experiencing any of those symptoms.  I knew I had an actual goal for this race - to PR, something I haven't tried in a half marathon in over 3 years.  Why wasn't I feeling more anxious?  This is great.  I like not stressing about a race.  And then something happened a week out.  I began to crave food, as in PMS craving and it wasn't time for PMS to kick in.  Ah nuts, I'm a taper eater.  It's probably due to the fact I also tend to fall into the emotional eater category.  I also suddenly found myself wandering over to the weather channel on my computer and staring at my drawers full of running clothes. Yep, I was in taper mode.  I figure that's actually a good thing in the end as it means my emotions have figured out I do have a goal for this race I'd like to meet and hopefully that message will get sent to my legs.

Race morning my husband and I woke up early (I'd signed him up for the 10K) and headed to the High School to catch one of the shuttle buses from Snohomish to the race start.  We were super early.  Too early.  He thought I wanted to be there way early.  I thought he wanted to be there way early.  Turns out neither one of us wanted to be there that early.  You'd think after 18 years of marriage we'd have this communication thing figured out.  The bus we caught only had about 10 other super early people on it.  We were at the race site 1.5 hours before the start.  In beautiful weather that may not have been so bad but it was dark, cold, lightly raining and windy outside.  At least I had plenty of time to use the restroom multiple times before the race start.  One of my goals, besides a PR, was to make it through this race without having to stop for a porta pottie.  I had yet to make it through a race longer than a 10K without needing a potty break.  I will tell you now, that goal was met and probably, in part, due to my early arrival at the race.  Yeah me!  Or actually, kudos should probably go to my bladder.

Okay, for those of you who don't know, I have Raynaud's Syndrome.  When I get cold my body overreacts.  It thinks, "Oh no! We must protect the heart and lungs! Pull the extra resources from her hands and feet!  More blood!  More blood!  We're gonna die if we don't heat the core!" Sigh.  I hate hot weather.  I love fall and winter.  As soon as I start moving I heat up fast, sweat buckets and easily overheat if I'm not careful.  I prefer cold weather.  Stupid Raynaud's.  It feels like a betrayl of my body. As we sat outside in the rain and wind my body quickly "compensated" and pulled all the blood from my hands and feet.  By the time I was in line for the start of the race my feet were blocks of ice and my fingers looked dead and white.  Have you ever run on feet you simply can't feel?  I always get this image of strapping those big blocks they make igloo's out of to the bottom of my feet and running.  Yes, that's what I was running on as the race started.  As we take off I worry a bit that I won't feel it if I step wrong and twist an ankle but it doesn't slow me down.  I try to wiggle my toes as I run to help get the blood flowing and after the first couple miles my feet are warm.

My coach, Mary Gandee, gave me the goal of running the first mile at a 10:15 pace.  I try really hard to resist the rush of fast energy at the start and ignore all the folks passing me by.  I find myself running a 9:30, back off and hit a 10:30.  Oops, too slow.  Back up to a 9:45.  I play around a bit with my pace and end the mile at a 10:09.  Not quite slow enough but not too terribly fast either.  At this point I'm supposed to hold 10:00 minute miles for at least the next 8 miles.  Mile #2 is a 10:01 pace.  I found my groove!  The course for this race is beautiful.  A bonus since miles 4-5 (I think it was those miles. They weren't marked well and I couldn't hear my garmin beeping distance alerts at me over the rain and the huffing and puffing of people around me - yes, it was other people's huffing and puffing and not my own that was loud - ha!).  Um, I digressed.  Where was I?  Oh yes, miles 4-5 had a wonderful odor drifting over the road from the farm(s) lining them.  Yes, cow manure, folks.  And this was an out and back course so we had that smell for quite a bit of time.  I breathed deeply anyway and pushed on.  It wasn't feeling too terribly hard  pace wise at this point, despite the wind.  I was feeling strong, passing people, chatting here and there with other runner's, it was good.  And then around mile 9 I started to get hot.  The sweat started pouring out of me and I found my gaze looking longingly for the next water stop.  Please, oh please, let there be water soon!  I found myself imagining taking the water bottle off somebody's hydration belt.  Do you think they'd mind?  Probably.  Keep running.  Water is bound to show up soon.  Not yet, not yet ... finally!  I take one cup and immediately wonder why I didn't grab two.  Can I turn around and go back?  Would that be weird?  Yes.  You have a time goal.  Keep moving.  There will be another aid station.  At least I hope and pray there is.  We are now running on the paved trail through the park.  I tell myself this area is supposed to be very pretty with all the fall colors but my mind is too focused on finding more water.  I'm also focused on passing people.  The trail is narrow here and with an out and back it's hard to pass if people are running two abreast.  I sneak between two men, announcing myself first, "Coming between you".  Inwardly, I think, "Ha! Chicked!"  I know, evil huh?  I hear one of them say, "Watch out.  Here they come."  Okay, this pace is feeling hard now and faster people are pouring past me in the other direction.  I cannot wait to be one of them for two reasons.  1.  I know I will be almost done with the race.  2.  I'm hoping the turn around has a water station.  Not yet, not yet, not yet ... I am so thirsty!!  Can I drink the rain?  How weird is it to be soaking wet and yet not have enough water?  Finally, I see the turn around and hallelujia, praise the Lord, thank you, Jesus, there is water!  I'm serious, it's an answer to prayer. Thank you, Jesus! I take two cups this time and try to drink it slow enough to register it.  I am almost done with this race and a PR is easily in my sights.  A guy up ahead of me is taking walk breaks and then speeding off again.  I want to walk so bad.  I am tired.  I see a gal dressed as Wonder Woman coming the other direction and figure I can walk until we cross paths.  I give in and walk for about 20 seconds.  I feel really stupid about it after the race because I'm 18 seconds over the minute mark on my final time.  Okay, I'll take that remembrance with me into the next race.  Don't give in to the walk!  I run the final half mile to the finish line and cross it in 2:10:18.  That's a 3 minute PR.  I am happy.  My immediate thought is "Must. Find. Water".  Where is the water?  I see a huge line at the food tent.  You have got to be kidding me?  That's the water line?  I get in line and try to spot my husband in the crowd.  He finds me and I let him hold my place in line while I use the porta potty.  I figured after doing so well at holding off my bladder deserved a break. When I get back he isn't all that much closer to the water.  I figure "nuts to this" and seeing that not everyone in line is getting water I cut ahead and fill two cups of water.  I refill those cups 3 times before feeling guilty when I notice they appear to be getting low on water.  Okay, I'll suck on orange slices instead.  Despite the difficulty in obtaining water after the race, the food is spectacular.  They have lots of hot soup, chips, salsa, oranges, bananas and yummy bread.  It's too bad I'm unable to eat moments after a hard run, my stomach simply cannot take it, and I'm too cold to wait around until I can eat something.  My husband and I catch the shuttle bus to town, swing by the coffee stand for some hot latte's, pick up our son from my mom and dad's and head home to hot shower's and dry clothes.  All in all it was a great race and I will do it again.  Oh, my husband enjoyed the 10K.  I guess he deserves a shout out, too.  He was particularly happy that he got the same shirt and medal for only half the work.  It's good.  I'm glad he got a medal.  The more medals he has the more likely he is to not complain when I sign up for another race.  And will I sign up for this one next year?  You bet!  It's a great race in my own hometown and I am happy to support it.

Remember Me? Yeah, The One With Big Plans?

Did you read my post from February 16th?  I did.  Just now.  Oh wow, I am such a horrible person.  Did I do any of what I said I would?  That would be a big NO.  Do I still feel the same way?  Eh, yeah, sure.  No really, I do still feel much the same way but overcoming the procrastinator in me is hard.  Life got busy, you know?  We bought a new house and moved.  Huge undertaking that pretty much put everything else on hold.  So what happened race wise since I last blogged?  Well, I finished marathon number two (North Olympic Discovery Marathon) with a dismal finish time but a new friend who helped me run the 2nd half of the race when the heat was reducing me to a sloppy, messy, puddle of defeat.  I am so thankful for race angels!  Instead of feeling defeated at the end I felt jubilant and strong, despite my slow finish time, which let's face it, is not uncommon for me.  I am a turtle in the running world.  I did the Seattle Marathon in November of 2011 and finally hit my goal of beating 5 hours.  I came in at 4:55:19 (see, turtle).  I was thrilled with that time considering the weather conditions that day (rain & wind - still preferable to heat) and the hills the last few miles.  It's not an easy course but I loved it enough that I'm currently training for the 2012 race as my 4th marathon.  I also did my first triathalon, something I once said I would never do.  It was the Cottage Lake Tri put on by Mary Meyer's Life Fitness.  It was a super sprint distance so it was super short.  I had a 400 yard swim, 9 mile bike ride and 1.6 mile run, the perfect beginning distance!  Actually, a slightly longer bike and run wouldn't have bothered me any but the swim was perfect in length.  Any longer and I may have needed to hitch a ride on a turtle's back, if we were in the ocean.  We weren't.  I was the turtle in the water.  I've also signed up with a running/triathalon coach, Mary Gandee, of Blue Fire Fitness.  The triathalon was the instigator in that fitness cost.  I knew I needed help with the swim portion.  I was the child pushed off the diving board in swim lessons.  Yes, there was only a mild amount of emotional scarring from that event.  I joined her group for a few open water swims, took a few private lessons from her swim coach and managed to mostly back swim my way to the exit out of the water.  All that open water swimming practice, which I actually kind of liked, and come race day I couldn't calm my breathing enough to swim properly on race day.  Sigh.  Next time!

Getting a High-5 from my son at Seattle

Me exiting the water - phew, done!

Finishing my first Tri with a huge smile.  Whoop!

Now you're caught up on my big race events since I last blogged.  What's on the agenda for the future?  Well, I mentioned I am training for the 2012 Seattle Marathon in November and so far, so good.  My next big goal is to find 3 more marathon's over the winter/spring months and get my Marathon Maniac qualification before the unofficial Marathon Maniac Reunion at the Tacoma City Marathon in May.  What are Marathon Maniac's some of you may ask?  It's a group of crazy people who run enough marathon's to qualify as a maniac.  Yes, you have to qualify by running a crazy amount of marathon's.  For me that will be 3 in 90 days or 2 in 16 days.  I'm not sure yet which one will be the more difficult route, especially since I will be throwing in the TCM marathon after I qualify and that 3 in 90 days will wind up being 4 in 4 months.  Can I do it?  I hope so!  The club is growing quickly in numbers and I figure if all those folks can do it, why not me?  Hopefully, my training with Mary Gandee will help! She's good for way more than just swimming.  By the way, my race angel from NODM is a Maniac.  In fact, she's a 50 stater working toward 100 marathon's.  Last I spoke with her she was at 67 but that's probably an old number by now.  Go Jodi!  She'll be at TCM and I'm looking forward to seeing her again.

I'm also hoping to improve my swimming over the next few months so I can attempt a few more tri's this summer.  I don't like running in the heat and tri's will allow me to swim in cool water and ride a bike with the cool breeze blowing on my face.  The hot running portion will be short in distance.  Tri's are a pretty big deal for me with my dislike of swimming.  Seriously, my first swim lesson we spent the entire first hour simply practicing putting my face in the water.  I felt like my 9 year old and not the almost 40 year old woman I was.  It was humbling.  The bike portion isn't much easier for me.  I don't like traffic and my sense of direction stinks chicken turds.  Yeah, don't ask me where that expression came from - I think I just made it up and it seems to do the job so it's staying.  Anyway, I hate driving in a car for those reason's.  Ask me to drive to Seattle and I will panic, ask me to drive anywhere I'm unfamiliar with and you will see my knuckles turn white with fear, stress, tension etc.  So, if I'm like that in a car imagine how I feel on a bike!  Yeah, it's not my favorite.  I did most of my training rides on the paved Centennial Trail.  I only ventured onto open roads once, around Mercer Island, with some friends from the Luna Chix tri group.  Thank you, thank you, girls for getting me out of my comfort zone in a safe and fun way!  So why am I doing tri's?  I will conquer these fears, that's why!  I will be the strong woman God made me to be and I will overcome.  Now, to take that attitude and cross it over into my non-athletic life.  Can I overcome the fear of putting my writing out there for all to see?  Can I overcome the fear of rejection?  Can I overcome the fear of failing?  In racing, in writing, or in life in general we will never overcome if we don't reach beyond our fears.  So I'm reaching high today and I'm trusting that God has his hand already stretched out to me, ready to pull me up.  I read this verse the other day in my daily devotion and it struck a huge chord with me.  "Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.  You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory." Ps 73:23-24.  According to this, I have nothing to fear.